A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
