porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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