I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
People in love make me want to vomit
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
