I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize