you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize