No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
