I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
