How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
