You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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