Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
