my soul wont recognize me after tonight
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
