We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
