When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
ugly people sure do ruin things
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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