Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
