I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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