my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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