I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
