Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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