I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
