I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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