just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
