I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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