My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Randomize
