For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize