Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
