conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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