It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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