what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
