I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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