Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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