why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
