Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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