Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
