He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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