If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
