After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
