Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
