I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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