Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Everything about him screamed your future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize