Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I have feelings that need drinking.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
