Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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