Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
