Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
