I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Dick very happy bro
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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