well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
