I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
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new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
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Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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