having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Randomize
