I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
