i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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