I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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