then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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