I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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