My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
