I want to have your abortion
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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