Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
