we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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