make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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