So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
