If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
