Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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