I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Did I show you my penis last night?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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