hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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