a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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