If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
