rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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