Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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