Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
