the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
