I met the friendliest cop last night
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
