so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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