I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
