My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
