I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize
