I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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