you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
