Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
