Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
