Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize