I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
