plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
