well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
