there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
