I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
