I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hippo gnu deer
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize