My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You were trust falling into bushes
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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