I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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