She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
