I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
