Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
