she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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