Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
