ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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